“In Out of the Wind”

Three years ago I bought a copy of Devotional Classics Edited by Richard Foster and James Bryan Smith for $2 at a used book store. I think that this might be one of the best devotionals I have ever happened upon. It is filled with the wisdom of male and female Christians from as early as the year 480. Their writings are rich, deep and profound.

Recently, I read the section by C.S. Lewis, or Clive as my friend calls him. This excerpt in particular made me take a deep breath and relax after reading it.

That is why the real problem of the Christian life comes where people do not usually look for it. It comes at the very moment you wake each morning. All your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists simply in shoving them all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in. And so on, all day. Standing back from all your natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind.

I just love how his imagery gives actual life to the feeling of how overwhelming the day ahead can feel. Those worries and fears take hold of our day and our focus before our feet even hit the floor. It is so easy to give anxiety the power over us it does not deserve.

C.S. Lewis reminds us that this is not the way we should live as people who know Jesus. As big and powerful as those wild animals can seem in the morning or throughout the day, God can disarm and subdue them, “letting that other larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in.” We cannot simply will anxiety to cease. We must choose the passive action of “standing back from all (our) natural fussings and frettings; coming in out of the wind” and allowing God to do the work as we trust Him with our present anxieties, our future concerns and our past regrets.

We found out just 2 weeks ago that my dad’s cancer has come back. We are grateful that it has not returned as aggressively as it has in the past, but we are still dealing with the vast array of emotions that accompany this return. I have prayed for many things during this time for him, my family, the doctors and myself.

I find that in prayer for myself I am asking for peace, that anxiety and worry would not win my mind and heart. I find peace does come. I realize that no matter what happens today, tomorrow or 15 years from now- the Lord is here now and will be there then. He knows the very depths of the core of my being and will not fail to provide, comfort and love in the present or the future. For me, this understanding has been a “coming in out of the wind.”

9/11/2001, A snap shot

As I listen to the stories on the radio reflecting about the impact of 9/11 on the person, our culture and our world- I ask myself the same question that the reporter asked a middle schooler who was on air with her teacher. What does it mean? How am I different?

There are a flurry of thoughts and feelings that weave in and out of my heart and mind as I consider all that has happened from that event. I thought of those who lost their lives and sacrificed their lives to save others and their loved ones and the service men and women who are over seas.

I quickly felt that whatever I could say or conclude seemed trite. So many lives were lost and families will forever carry the weight of the world trade towers on their hearts. Others bear the unjust weight and burden of discrimination and hate.

My trite conclusion is that the issues that have been born out of the attacks 10 years ago are so huge they is feels overwhelming, as just one person, to make a difference.

However, I can love. I can choose to live each day to honor the charge in Micah 6:8

To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

That day, 10 years ago, I was getting my freshman year school picture taken. Dressed in our school picture best, we watched the news coverage in almost every classroom. We could not believe what we were seeing. Our minds could have never imaged what our eyes were watching.

Where Two or Three Gather Together

It is time. I have been putting off this see-ya-later post because, well, denial has been a sweet refuge lately. But here goes, time to dig deep and face the truth that my time with these beautiful ladies as neighbors has come to an end. As new people move into their old apartments, I can no longer pretend that they were just joking when they moved out 3 months ago. But that just means that skype will be connecting us rather than potato nights and brunches.

I feel so blessed to know these women. We have shared life together for the past two years and I am inexplicable better for it. I really believe that friendships shape who we are and I am so glad to have been able to spend 3 out of 7 nights a week with such amazing women. We realized that in the CRW world, where everyone is in transition, friendships are fast-tracked. Normally, people see their friends once a week or once a month. Here, were hanging out is as easy as firing up the grill and sending a text- multiple nights a week.

Thank you for the:

Faith, love, encouragement, prayer, hope, laughter, brunch, coffee, potatoes…

If I could sign up to live near them for the rest of my life, I would. What I just love is that these are women who are who they are and they own it. If you hate camping, you just go ahead and hate camping and that is just fine.

We have shared so much and done so much together that I wanted to capture that in a farewell (avoiding the word goodbye here) gift. I did 3 paintings that represented our time together for them to take to their next homes to remember Princeton. Please bear with me as I didn’t think to take better pictures before giving them away.

1. Saturday Morning brunches that would last for hours
2. Birthday and Christmas Parties and weekly dinners together,
3. Grilling out in front of our building at the picnic tables and talking until the sun went down

Friendships do not rely on time or place. They are sustained by love.

In the end, this post can only be a small gesture of appreciation and explanation of that which words cannot do justice to.

Where two or three gather together, there am I with them

–Mat. 18:20

The Limit of Words | PMC 2011

Patience.Perseverance.Persistence.Pain.

Muscle.Might.Mind.Miles

Courage.Can.Cardio.Commitment

The PMC this year stood out from all the others. In the years past we have cheered on my mom and brother as they rode the long, hilly two-day ride from Welsley to Provincetown, MA. Standing at the finish line, cowbells in hand and tears always brimming in our eyes, we watched, cheered and thanked every rider as they rode in. Every single person there has been affected by cancer and is riding to raise money for cancer research at Dana-Farber in Boston.

Even though I do not know 99% of the faces riding by, it is impossible not to feel connected as you read their cycling jerseys, helmets and signs that bear the names of those who have survived and those who are remembered as they complete the 168 miles.

You can then imagine the weight and joy of this years ride as my husband, sister, sister’s boyfriend, aunt, uncle and parent’s friends all gathered in anticipation (and persistent cowbell-ing) of seeing my mom, brother and dad cycle across the finish line.

In Feb. of 2009, dad was diagnosed with a very rare non-Hodgkin lymphoma and the outlook was, to say the least, frightening and unknown. Fast-forward to August 2011 past the various other complications and second return of the cancer and you find a group of buzzing, joyful, teary-eyed, love-filled friends and family celebrating the gift of life as we finally see what we have been waiting (literally hours) for. They round the corner and my mom and dad’s friends, who are also riding, fade just slightly to the back to allow my mom, dad and brother to ride three across down the stretch to the finish.

-In all honesty, I almost just posted the photos, because even as I write words fail to really express this event and all that it meant to us.

To read more details about my family’s battle with cancer, my mom, my dad and brother’s have amazing stories on their Pan-Mass Challenge profiles that explain why they ride. If you would like, you are still able to donate to their rides even though the event has already happened.

Soul Food

At our church they have at least two hymns as a part of the service- I love that they have kept they Hymn tradition alive. 

As we sing together, I think of all the people throughout history that have met on Sundays and sung these hymns for hundreds of years. It is like worshiping with all who have gone before us.

One of my favorites is: Before the Throne of God Above.

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
King of glory and of grace,
One in Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God.

If this hymn were to be compared to food, it would be Jamie’s Chocolate Ganache cake. If you have had it, you know there is some truth in this comparison :)

Take some time this week and listen this hymn that proclaims truth, grace and joy sweeter than anything on this physical earth. I highly recommend Shane & Shane’s version.

Do you have favorite hymn? 

You can download SPOTIFY and listen for free (it is legal and legit too!)

Flowers from Pikes Place Market, Seattle

E-NOUGH

These shoes have heard more excuses than a high school English teacher.

too hot-too cold-i just ate a giant piece of cake-i don’t feel top notch- the wind is coming out of the south east- i.am.too.tired and the list goes on, but I will spare you.

My favorite excuse is the weather, because usually no one can blame you for not running if it is above 90 degrees out or below 20.

Tonight, I had enough of myself and those excuses (albeit, they were good ones and have stood by me like faithful friends). This is all about choices. I was going to drag myself kicking and (silently) screaming into these unassuming shoes and just get out there. I just chose to put on the shoes and whatever happened out there, happened.

So much is tied up in what we expect of ourselves. If the bar is way too high- we will always feel like we have failed but too low and we never get to feel that sense accomplishment. Once I decided that my goal was just to get out there and at least walk to the destination and back it wasn’t so bad. At this stage, the just get out there goal is a big’un at a humid 93 degrees.

I ran more than I expected and learned 3 important things that I hope will start me off on the right foot this time (pun intended).

1. I have to run in a loop. The out and back on the same path will just not do.
2. I enjoy having some good worship or Christian music to run to. (shane&shane is often chosen) Running is a great time to clear my mind or pray or just get wrapped up in the lyrics (which really makes a run pass quickly) I come home exhausted but refreshed.
3. I just have to choose to do it.

Very few things are actually easy in the beginning. Why avoid running because it is hard? Shouldn’t we expect it to be?

Here is to leaving instant gratification in the dust.


(m: i hope this inspired you for our weekly runs)

Sauna Weather

[Welcome, please take a moment to lament the humidity with me.] It is so gross out!

Ok, Moving on…

This winter my oven got a serious work out. It saw the likes of Scones, Cinnamon Rolls (oh yes-from scratch), Quiches,  even more Scones, Cakes and Breads. And yes, after a winter of eating all of that, I am feeling the need for working out…but probably won’t :)

Summer in the Jerz is definitely here and the heat (and HUMIDITY) outside is seriously hindering my desire to create any more heat by turning on the oven.

The change of seasons, however has not changed my desire to keep creating in the kitchen. I have come up with 2 cold fruity drinks to keep me Jersey Strong in the Jersey heat.

1. Infused Water with Lemon and Mint
8-10 mint leaves . Lemons . H2O 

• Add the mint to the pitcher and mottle a bit to release the minty-goodness
• Add the juice of 1 1/2 lemons to the pitcher
• Slice the remaining 1/2 lemon (for round slices) and add to pitcher to make it look pretty.
• Add H2O, Stir and Enjoy!

*I have also added whole frozen blueberries which gave the water a nice color, but I don’t think it added much flavor

2. Sparkling Cider-based Smoothie with Honey Drizzle
frozen berries . sparkling cider (apple or pear or grape) . honey . blender

• Add about a 1 1/2 cups of cider to blending container (have a little extra handy in case the smoothie gets too think for your liking
• Add 1/2 cup frozen berries to the cider
• B-l-e-n-d
• Add berries or cider to make it as thick or thin as you want
• Pour into the lucky cup that hold all the goodness
• Drizzle a little or a lot of honey over the top- give a little stir to get honey flavor bursts as you sip away!

I was going to wait to post this until I had some enticing pics of these beverages, but given the humidity, I wanted to post asap. Hang in there, get a cold drink and try not to melt!

Stay Jersey Strong this summer- (but be nice when you drive)

Mobile

Hey All,

Just a note to let you know that you can now view my blog from your i-droid-pod-pad-phone.

All that you dreamed of just came true, I know, and you are welcome.

Have a great afternoon,

The Dream Fulfiller

For a friend

This is a little out of order since I completed this before I completed the portrait in the previous post.

This paining was done for a sweet friend who just came out with an amazing CD: Terese Fredenwall’s “Not About the Songs.” The painting is inspired by her whole album, really. But the lyric that was playing through my mind as I added layer upon layer to the canvas was: “I see beauty, everywhere you go.”

You can listen to a few of her songs here. Her songs tell the stories of the people she has meets through her tours and work with Wings of Protection. They are filled with truth, love and encouragement. In knowing the love that God has for us there is freedom and healing. The dancer represents that rising out of hardships, oppression and emotional pain and again finding joy and freedom that was taken away or lost.

Here are some photos of the process:

"unfurling"

This past winter/spring I took a 6 week online workshop from a talented artist, Misty Mawn. Sadly, the materials had to be taken off the website eventually. But, She does have a book out, “Unfurling” which is basically the workshop in brief plus more!

Needless to say, the book was purchased and yadda, yadda, yadda, my desk areas is a hot mess.

I dove straight in with an attempt at portrait painting. Be kind, this is my very 1st portrait that I have attempted to paint. Usually I just sketch it and then walk away. It is not of a particular person, that is tough and I am just going one step at a time here.

Here is the process (warning, it gets a little creepy/ zombie looking at a few points…)

And off we go:

1. Sketch with Stabilo Marks-All Pencil, Brown & Black. Then used a wet brush to blend lines. Looks a little Amish here (bonnet look) but oh just wait!

2. Paint time. Putting in lights and darks to get a rough idea of the values.

3. OK, things got a little out of hand…Entering Zombie Zone!

4. Naturally from Zombie to Alien Zombie! Adding in the whites for the eyes and  trying to hone in on the lights and darks some more.

5. Continuing with layers and adding hair. (I decided the hair would be better down)

6. Toned down the blue that created the living dead look. Defined lips and eyes. Refining the Dark areas with a Black Stabilo Marks All pencil.

7. A final go at the skin tone, added a background and decided that blue would be a good shirt color. Also, more defining with the Marks All Pencil.

8. More hair definition.

9. Finally, with the Zombie gone, I added a torn paper boarder and used paint/Adirondack Inks to tint the edges.

Learned: keep pressing on- even if the painting starts to scare me, it can be fixed and made into something much better.

There will be more portraits to come- practice makes perfect!  Well off to tackle the beast that is my work space… Have a great week!